Cheers, I mean, here we go again

I started out interested in what my wife had to talk about, really interested, all night on the back porch with too much wine and her smoking and it was fun and we were figuring out our issues, our lives, sharing, you know, the realms of infatuation and all that. I mean, complaining seemed okay at first. (I didn’t know it was to become a lifestyle.) Yes, you’re getting it, right. Now, five years removed, I am not so sure why she’s upset I don’t find her as interesting and why she’s confused as to why we don’t drink as much, talk as long. I mean, the oldest reason alive right, things fade but especially now that I’ve realized it’s the drinking she mostly misses, and that drinking has now changed everything. The topics I found so enticing? Well, turns out they are still the exact same ones five years later she wants to talk about, the exact same book idea she wants to write about, the very moment in history and they come out when the wine has kicked in and I could tell you right now what’s coming around the corner I’ve heard it so many times now. That I’m not as interested leads to “why do you hate me? You used to love it when we talked,” and I think, the first 3000 times it was pretty interesting, now I find it sad, boring, and irritating. People change. When you realize that talking, is, well, all talk and no action, over time my patience has worn out. I’m less inclined to bring up a new topic because it gets worn out and twisted. And add, complaining is a lifestyle, lord, if it weren’t for complaining my spouse might have no life at all. She has a photographic memory of a person who drove poorly in front of her on the way to a random shopping trip she’ll go on and on and on about it a day later. If I bring up things like this outside of the drinking it is taken as I consider her a failure, I do enjoy being married, but if I were writing to Dear Abby I’d sign it,” In Love but a little less”.

I know logic is illogical. I know drinking is a thing that has now encompassed my life in a negative way. What was fun is no longer fun. What could be is worth considering. I don’t think I’m fully to blame. Sure, I am some, did I mislead, encourage, is rehashing again and again okay, I think one of us can’t recall the rehash, and that I don’t want to drop into the wine-y ways as before.

as always, to be continued…………